Sonogram

(look right between the two + signs....that's Dot!)

…”er, uh wow!” That was all I could force up my vocal cords and out of my mouth when the doctor told us. I was honestly speechless. I was in shock, happy shock of course, but shock none-the-less. That was two weeks ago. Since then, it has begun to sink in and the joy that I feel building up inside me is indescribable.

This morning, we experienced a moment that resulted in a very similar reaction. For the first time, we got to see our little dot. It was surreal. I sat there, staring at a tv screen, watching as the ultrasound technician located and focused in on our little one. “Oh that’s perfect” the doctor tells us. Evidently, dot is perfectly centered, and looking great. The technician then showed us pictures out of a book she had that was the same thing we had been looking at, only she told us that ours looked better than even those pictures.

I will admit, as a first time dad, my emotions are all over the spectrum. I get sudden panic attacks where I wonder if I can do this. I wonder if I have what it takes to be a great dad. Then other times, I am so excited that I can hardly contain myself. Then other times, I am total disbelief that this is actually happening. I am truly blessed to be in this situation and I am looking forward to what is in store. I pray everyday for my baby and my beautiful wife. Well, I guess that all for now.

Secret

Secret: adj; faithful or cautious in keeping confidential matters confidential.

A simple definition and yet a very difficult thing to master. It's been fun keeping this to ourselves but as time passes it gets harder to keep. To mix metaphors, Tim and I find ourselves starting to slip when in converstation with others and have to back peddle to cover our tracks. The hardest part is when I'm talking to my closest girlfriends. The moment I hear their voice on the phone I want to blurt it out without even thinking (read: "Hey Krist"-"I'M PREGNANT!"), and yet I restrain myself (yes, I can restrain myself) and keep my lips closed. I can't wait until that moment we are ready to tell everyone. I can see it now....finding the highest point in South Florida and shouting it as loudly as I can!!

It's easy for the time being because nothing is different on the outside. I'm still wearing my same clothes....holding onto size 2 until it gets tight. Thankfully it's not tight yet, that will be a huge eye-opener. Once in a while I feel bloated but it goes away. Side Note: Bloated is such a weird feeling. It feels like a balloon blowing up inside of you, and you just want to punch the clown making it happen. Like slow down Bozo, I'm in no mood to make blow up poodles today! That being said it'll be fun as time goes by and I'm having to find new clothes. You know me, I'm always up for a cute new outfit. I won't lie, I was totally looking at Maternity clothing last night online. You know a fresh little sundress here, a fun little tank top there....I didn't order any clothes, but I did order a new prenatal workout video to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I hope I like it.

I have 2 baby showers to go to this week. I'm so excited for my friends who are about to have babies. I'm so excited for my friends who have just found out they are expecting. What a stage of life we are in! I'm happy to be a part of it. I think when Tim and I put things on hold last year (actually about this time) I wasn't sure when I would be ready again. Part of it was hurt, part of it was frustration, a lot of it was confusion. I think being able to take a step back from certain situations makes it easier for Tim and I to concentrate on us, and what is right for our own little family. We went to the specialist in January and after one little shot we were rolling! It was easier than we thought. No months of trying, just "Hey, Dr. Gelman, this is what we want" and he helped make it happen. I love science! Really, Biology was my favorite subject! Tim and I were actually talking about dominant and recessive genes in the car today. How fun to think about what our little Dot is going to look like!?

Now we only have to keep this to ourselves for 19 more days....but I'm not counting or anything....

What's in a name?

Week 5....... the size of a grain of rice. Last week we were told the little thing growing inside of me was the size of the period at the end of this sentence. At that point we started calling the baby "Dot". This week is a whole new story. A grain of rice is totally different. Dot is growing very quickly! PEOPLE, organs are being formed. I just can't get over it. I feel like I'm already growing. I can actually say that today was my first "I feel fat" day. Everything still fits fine, it's just a weird bloated feeling, can you imagine....it only get worse...haha! I can't wait!

I have now gone two whole days without a drop of caffeine hitting my lips......I've been weaning myself off. The headaches have been terrible. I keep telling myself that the waterbottle I have glued to my hand is really an ice cold Diet Coke....mmmmmmm. I'm also incorporating more food into my diet, which is good. The average amount a pregnant woman is supposed to incorporate is about 300 calories more a day. But don't worry, you really get hungry! Peanut Butter and Jelly really hits the spot at lunch time.

It is starting to dawn on us how far away March 12 is. For those of you who don't know, that's when Casey will be coming home on Spring Break. And what I mean by those of you who don't know, well, that's everyone. Since we're not telling anyone yet, I'm also not giving out the address for this blog. I just feel like I need to write about these first few weeks, just to be able to document the raw emotion, the excitement as it hits us, the anticipation for each new week. Now getting back to March 12, that's weeks away! We are keeping this secret a while longer. I feel like it's better to wait anyway, just in case. The first few weeks are a little scary. It's really better to wait, just super hard (can you hear me talking myself into it?). One thing I know for sure....I have self control. I can do it!

FOOD

I have been thinking about food all day long. I actually woke up hungry! I eat something and I am immediately ready for the next meal. I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner complete with multiple snacks throughout the day. That sounds normal, but not for me. I'm not a 3 meal a day girl. I've got to learn to control this!

I eat something and I autimatically want the opposite. From salty to sweet, from sweet to savory, my body can't decide what it wants. It is really driving me crazy and causing Tim to laugh! Today I found that nuts were a nice satisfying snack, that was after a tangello, chips, and m&m's. Good thing I stocked up on nuts last night at Publix. That's right ladies and gentlemen, last night was date night at Publix. Somehow grocery shopping is always so much better with my partner in crime. That being said, if I keep this up I'm literally going to be the size of a house. That just wont do!

The past two days have been interesting. Having news that you want to share with everyone, bottled up inside, is such a weird feeling. The hardest person to keep this news from is Casey. My goal is to tell him in person when he comes home for Spring Break. No one else gets the news before him. Just a few more weeks, I know I can make it.

Yesterday we took the stereotypical 1st Month picture. I think it will be fun to watch the change. Goodbye size 2, see you next year.

Symptoms list now totals 4:

1. Extremely exhausted

2. Sore lower back

3. HUN-GRY

4. Super Excited

I'm trying to keep morning/all-day sickness off of that list. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It's Official!!!

I can honestly say that Tim and I both had a little bit of trouble sleeping last night. I'm sure the fact that within hours we were waking up to a very important doctors visit was the culprit of our unrest. We got up with our alarms and each got ready with a nervous silence surrounding both of us. We just so happened to be the first patients of the day and I went straight back to give blood and have a sonogram. We have a wonderful doctor, who specializes in PCOS, and he was joking around with us the entire visit. He seemed to think we cheated and tested at home, but I told him we hadn't and that he needed to tell us....quickly. He looked over at the sonogram technician and they both confirmed that we were going to be expecting a new little addition to our family. Tim was speechless, I was beaming....I think it may be the one time in our lives that neither of us had anything to say.

As I sit here, I think it's all still sinking in. At this time we are both going to keep this wonderful news to ourselves for a while. What a great little secret to keep! We did add one more secret-keeper on to the list. Since mom has been a part of each step of the process (a relatively short process, but still a process) Tim and I came up with a fun way to tell her the news. She was helping out at an event at school (that I was supposed to be at) so Tim and I both headed to my school together. I left Tim in my classroom and I went to find her. She knew I had been at my appointment but I told her I didn't want to give her any details until I could talk to her privately. The library was not my ideal place to share the information. She automatically thought it was bad news. We walked back to my room and inside was Tim (surprise surprise) holding up a cute little onesie that says "What happens at Grandma's, stays at Grandma's". She was completely floored and tears and hugs were immediate.

This is really happening! 2010 is really going to be a big year. We are so excited. It's amazing to know so early, but that way we can monitor everything a lot closer. So far I can't tell that anything is different with me (slightly anticlimatic). I'm not nauseated, but I am extremely exhausted and my lower back hurts a little more than usual. The one thing I think I'm going to miss the most is my ever faithful Diet Coke!!! I'm not sure if it's even possible to crave things yet, but I have wanted chicken fingers all day long. That was satisfied by my wonderful husband picking up Smokey Bones to-go on his way home from work! It was a little celebratory meal. (I wonder what else I can ask for?)

This is what I know.... The Lord is unfailing in His promises, and Tim and I are truly blessed.